WANTED: HUMILITY

here is something i learned today.

You have to learn humility if you want to achieve greatness.

it seems like such a simple statement, but it's something that has taken me a long time to come to. (though i'm glad i came to this realization when i am 21 instead of later in life.) it's pretty mind altering. as i've written prior to this entry, i am going through this re-definement period. i am trying to create a new lifestyle for myself and i am living by a whole new mindset. it's so easy to get pushed off track though, and go back to what i've always done. when life throws shitty things at you it's easy to react and become discouraged. anger boils up and erupts. life is not fair. these things are totally true, but you can't let them get to you or you end up bringing yourself down. in life you are your only true enemy. everything around us affects us in one way or another, but it's how we take in all of these things that defines who we are and what we will become. i, my friends, have always appeared to be a pessimist. i'm not, nor have i ever been, really. i'm sarcastic because it's funny, and i am bitter at times because the world is full of injustice and stupidity. it's the wrong approach though- to appear bitter. these are the attitudes that build roadblocks around issues instead of plowing through them.

there are simple things i've been doing to try to aid in my personal transformation. i have always wanted to lose weight and get in shape. i'm not saying this as a completely material minded person. i don't fully judge the world based on the outside. but what i will say is that a complete transformation is afoot- mind, body, and soul. there are also some very psychological changes that will be helped by this physical improvement. physical health isn't just about looking hot, it's about being able to go out into the world in a way i never have. i want to be able to go out into the world and conquer it. i don't want physical limitations holding me back. i want to go out and adventure like hell. you are your own vessel of experiences, and you are responsible for the journeys will take. so i definitely want to lose about 20-30lbs or so and then build muscle muscle muscle! hopefully i will get down to a weight where my speedos will fit again and i can start swimming again. i am doing it right this time. i am making reasonable goals and feeling good about it. even if progress is somewhat slow, it is permanent. my asthma is already a million times better. i don't even have to use my inhaler when i'm running anymore! that probably sounds simple to anyone who is reading this, but i have horrible exercise enduced asthma, especially in the cold.

two years from now jenna is graduating. by the end of that summer we are going to be moving in together. that summer we have to roadtrip like hell. i want to be fit so i can go out to cali and learn to surf. all my life i have been exclaiming that i hate the beach. i don't think this is true. i hide behind my insecurities and am keeping myself from experiencing great parts of life. if the reason i don't go to the beach is because i am self conscious, either get over it or get to work! and so, that is what i am doing. Summer 2010 won't know what hit it. country-wide road trip from sea to shining sea. learning to surf on the cali beaches, lollapalooza, my own place... and yet so much has to happen before that time.

i don't even know if it's working. i don't know if i'm losing weight. i run about 4 miles a day, and i've been trying to eat healthy, but that's about it. i decided not to weigh myself until the 1st of the month, but that's 2 weeks away, and i want to know! haha this post is becoming less and less focused and inspirational, so i'm gonna go. i'll probably write more later, but for now i must run. literally.