i have an acute addiction to people.

It has been so long since I actually posted on here, but for one reason or another I feel motivated to do so at this very moment. My thoughts are racing. My mind is whirling. Such a generic beginning to a "unique" post. I'm not sure what to write, and to be quite honest, I don't really care what comes out.

It's going to be October in 12 minutes.

October used to be my favorite month.

Last October was the worst month of my life.

I'm not really sure where I fit in the world. Or where the world fits in me. I tend to say shit like that when I write. I write backwards sentences and then flip them forward. Or the other way around.

See, like that.

I am still in school. I am trying my hardest to graduate with a degree that will allow me to enter into a profession that I most likely would not have needed a degree to successfully do. But really, what "professions" use all of the information you soak in in college anyway? I need to move to the city. I need to just move there, and be with the life, and just grow, and explode with creativity and ideas. That's how I feel. I feel like I am this ever-expanding creation that is never satisfied with the amount it can take in, and is in a constant search for more.

People are my drug. I become addicted to them.

I honestly believe the above statement. That was the second time in this entry that I have attempted to assure you, the imaginary reader, that I am to be trusted. What do you care if I'm telling the truth or not? I guess those words were meant to assure myself of something that I do not fully believe.

i become addicted to people and then i think about them

a lot

and i wonder what the rest of the world is doing when i am sitting in a place other than theirs

and right now there are people being tortured, there are people doing courageous things, there are people out there that are spies that have insane abilities

there are people who are inventing the next technological feat that will completely shatter society

and i'm sitting on the floor of my living room
listening to the shower upstairs
wondering why i am not tired
and then i wonder what it is that i've done that i could possibly be tired from

I wrote a response to Jason Mraz earlier. Not sure if he'll ever read it, but I really couldn't not write:

Jason-

This may sound odd, but, still read it. haha

I have grown to view you as my favorite fictitious character. Each time I read, I feel as though a secret of my Self unfolds before me, and is revealed to the world. I would love for you to write a novel, and I often times think to suggest this to you within the never-ending abyss of blogland, but then I realise that the character I am so enraptured by...is you. It's an odd sensation. Truly. It's like reading Catcher in the Rye and then being told that Holden Caufield is a real person. How can that be so? Holden is a character created to capture the essence of humanity, and spit it back out to society so we can marvel at the intense identification that takes place between us because of him. And yet, your writing style embodies this trait. This has been what has been drawing me in to your music, and your being. This overwhelming sense of total understanding---- or complete confusion--- of what life, and the world, truly is. You are a person who lives and breathes to create. To create anything. To create a movement, to create a sound, to create meaning. This undying thirst for something more, and then seeking to find the answer within less. While we are all on the same journey to self-discovery (or universal discovery, as many would say...declaring that the self and society are bound together, and inseparable), few identify it the way that you do. And I do. Sometimes this sensation of helplessness for the world is so strong, it can overpower the positive movements taking place around us. It's so amazing how connected everyone truly is, and how little we realise it. I'm not sure where I was going with this, but I truly love your writing. It makes me feel at peace, and understood. I know it is hard to expand on every thing that you do in life, and unfortunately for you, you are talented in so many areas, but you truly have a gift for writing. The end. haha

- Lindsay x

I was tempted to edit parts of it just now. Parts of it that I wasn't quite happy with during the re-read. I decided against it. I would be lying to you all in saying it's what I written.

There I go again with my concern for upholding the truth.