Phase 10

have you ever had those random urges late at night to watch some porn? what about some mid-day enlightenment? morning mayhem?

regardless, you know what i mean.

those moments when you're just like "HELL YES. LET'S SEE SOME CARNAL!" you go on the sites. you know just what you're looking for, you find it, but it's a broken link. probably been taken down by the authorities. you re-search. you find a decent alternative but it is taking forever to load, so you go back and start other videos you turned down before because they weren't "just what you wanted." the race begins. whichever video finishes first is the winner. it is out of your hands. you go through and tease yourself. you start them all and see about 2.5 seconds before they freeze on a screenshot of someone's hand or elbow or their eye or something really awkward that shocks you into the reality that this entire thing is awkward. but you continue to fight off that logic for now and try to be patient. minutes feel like hours. hours feel like days. days feel like---- basically it feels like the world will end before your 3 minute co-worker romp will be ready for viewing. you close everything else on your computer to speed up loading time. your thoughts are now racing. all doubts are behind you. you are READY. this one will last. it's almost there and you're ready to claim your prize.

YOUR PORN HAS LOADED.



Phase 1: Start- Press play.
Phase 2: Watch- Begin ecstatic viewing. You are so into this. It was worth the wait. (5 seconds)
Phase 3: Enjoy- Is it working? It could be working. I think it's workinggg... IT'S WORKING!!!!!! (10 - 15 seconds)
Phase 4: Question- What the hell was that? What did they just do? Is she really okay with that?
Phase 5: Anger- I can't believe this bitch! What a dumbass!!! Who makes faces like that? She looks like a prostit---- oh yeah...
Phase 6: Complete disgust- Why am I watching this? Sex is so disgusting. Look at that THING bouncing around! How is that attractive? I'm going to throw up. What the hell are they doing? (20 seconds)
Phase 7: Learn- No, seriously, what the hell are they doing? How do they do that? I could do that. Wait, let me watch and figure it out. Yep. I could do that.
Phase 8: Feel empowered- I have learned something today. And I will now be able to carry this knowledge off into the world.
Phase 9: Loneliness- Oh wait...carry it to who? I am alone. That's how this all began.
Phase 10: Unaffected- You forget it's still open on your computer. You start doing other things. The video finishes. Sometimes it never does. You are not quite sure why you set out on this quest in the first place and think you will never do it again because it's pointless. You are wrong.


this entry wasn't meant to be about porn. i'm not sure how it got to that. i was supposed to spill the boiling pot of my dreams onto the interweb and watch it blister the wires they travels along. another day i guess. i'm tired now.

PEACE.